Lunch Date

I had a lunch date with my 5th grade son, Eric. His teacher has invited parents to come once a month to eat with their kids for a special "Brown Bag" lunch. Eric was very excited to have me come which made me feel so good. He's in place where he still wants kisses from his mother; just not right in front of his friends.

I brought him his favorite meal from Burger King: cheeseburger - plain, king-size fries, and a raspberry ice tea. He was so excited when I walked in his classroom. Not every parent could make it to the lunch and I could see how disappointed those kids were. I am so glad I could be there for my son today. These are the moments that make me so grateful that I am a stay-at-home Mom.

I am so glad that my pre-teen son still lights up when I walk in a room. I realize as he grows up he may roll his eyes rather than light up, but hopefully we'll both remember these times fondly.

Orientation

Last night we took Kyle to his middle school orientation. Next week he will be starting 7th grade - Wow! I can't believe he's going to middle school already.

I think we are both nervous about this new milestone. The new school seemed so big as we wandered around trying to find where his classes were. He was very disappointed that his best friend, Kevin, isn't in any of his classes. He's nervous about riding a school bus for the first time. I'm nervous for him and hope it all goes smoothly for him.

I also sensed a wonderful sense of excitement too. He was almost giddy with happiness as we explored his new school. Kyle walked around with his friends all jabbering at once as they poked their heads into the gym, library, and even the bathrooms! I was excited for him as he begins this new chapter of his life.

I hope we have prepared him well for this. That he has his values embedded deep as he's exposed to the not-so good stuff of the teenage years.

Walk tall Kyle and be proud of who you are. Have fun with your friends and learn lots of cool new things.

We love you.

Spare parts for your heart

Our son, Eric, sleepwalks. I never knew anyone who did this so the first time he did it I freaked out. It's so weird because he's just half-awake. He has his eyes open and talks but you can tell he's not really "with us."

Last night at 10:22 pm he walked into our room mumbling. After repeating the words "spare parts" a few times, he finally got the whole sentence out. He asked "Can you get spare parts for your heart?" He seemed very concerned about this so I said "Of course you can honey." Then as I always do I led him back to bed where he fell right back to sleep.

I'm always amazed at how he can deftly navigate all the legos and plastic figures on his floor and never step on anything!

I also try and write down what he says when he sleepwalks because he loves to hear about his night-time ramblings. It always cracks him up.

Now if we really could get spare parts for our hearts when they break, life would be good.

love and art

We just celebrated our 17th anniversary on August 19th. Seventeen years sounds so very married doesn't it? We are quite proud of our marriage - not only the quantity of time but more importantly the quality of our union.

The grandparents weren't in town so we celebrated with the kids in tow. We went to a wonderful fine arts fair near Lake Tahoe that is held every year on our anniversary weekend. So we've been a few times and always enjoy it. This is the first time we brought the kids. The most special part was opening our kids eyes to the beauty of ALL kinds of art. I think they really enjoyed seeing the variety of things artists create. We all said it made us want to go home and "create something!"

One of my favorite memories was when Eric (10 yo) commented on a simple oil painting of 3 green apples. He said "This picture makes me laugh - in a good way." After I stared at the painting I too couldn't help but smile at those 3 apples. Mark and I looked at each other and knew we had to buy that painting. Every time I look at it I am reminded of how my pre-teen son saw beauty and happiness in this painting.

Since we've been married for awhile we don't always buy gifts for each other. Not because we don't think the day is important, but because we don't feel the need to buy things "just because we're suppose to." We always buy heartfelt cards for each other but sometimes we just don't have the money to exchange gifts. This year we decided we'd look for a piece of art together. We both want to fill our home with special pieces of art that mean something to us not just a bunch of framed prints from Target.

We bought a beautiful hand-colored photograph of a serene beach scene. We actually saw this piece 5 years ago at this same fair! Well this year we bought it. We got to talking with the artist and told her it was our 17th anniversary. We jokingly asked her if she could give us the "17th" print of this piece. She said she hadn't sold the 17th print and she would skip ahead and give us the 17th - perfect!

I can't believe how happy I feel about choosing art for our home. Art is so individual and produces so many emotions. I'm so happy our children felt a little of this excitement and will hopefully buy art "that speaks to them."

Back to School

How did it get to be August already?? Two of my kids headed back to elementary school on Monday and a hush has fallen on the house. I love being in my home when it is quiet. Well, almost silent. My oldest has 3 more weeks of vacation. You see he's heading to middle school this year. Again, how did that happen so fast?? I can't believe I am the mother of a 12-year old. He's almost as tall as my 5' 7" frame! We are both a little nervous about this new chapter in life.

In fact, I got butterflies when my other two went back to school Monday. There's nothing like the first day of school. And I realized just because I'm the parent now I still feel those old feelings of anxiety, excitement, and sadness that summer is over. So when my 7-year old daughter said that her stomach hurt. I knelt down beside her and I said "I understand. When I was a little girl, I would feel a little nervous and excited on the first day of school." As a mom, I try so hard to validate their feelings and tell them it's okay to feel what you feel. Words I need to remind myself of too.

Anyway, that's why the house is mostly quiet. My 12-year old son is good at entertaining himself with computer games and friends. And I've encouraged him to write a story - he has a great imagination. So our days pass pleasantly together.

Although I crave the quiet in my chaotic busy mom life, I know soon enough I will miss the noise of 3 young children. I try and remind myself daily to soak up this fleeting time because it too shall pass by too quickly.

15 Minutes of Fame . . .

Or rather 2 minutes of fame. I was interviewed for our local news yesterday. This is the second time I've made it on the news. What a kick!

I took the kids to the library yesterday. While there, a well-dressed woman approached me and starting asking me questions. My first thought was why does this woman look so dang good in this 102 summer heat? Second thought was that she was soliciting something or wanting me to sign a petition. I also thought she looked vaguely familiar and was trying desperately to place her. Soon I realized why she looked so familiar, she's , Neda Iranpour, a reporter from our local news that I watch every night!

Anyway, she asked me if I would give my opinion about the controversy surrounding a casino being built in our suburbs, right near our library and park. Even though I was nervous I said "Heck yeah!" I feel very strongly that I DO NOT want a casino near where I live. Currently, we live about 30 minutes away from the nearest casinos. We purposely chose to live AWAY from the casinos. And I am fuming that they are considering building them here. So with the camera rolling, I voiced my opinion and it felt good. She thanked me and said I did great. She probably says that to everybody she interviews. But I appreciated the positive feedback anyway. Then she told me to watch the news at 11pm. You betcha.

So at 11pm, lying in bed next to hubby, we were glued to the TV. And there I was! She mentioned my name several times and aired a few of my quotes. I was relieved that I didn't babble and sounded fairly intelligent. And as luck would have it I got my hair cut and styled that day - thank you very much! More importantly, little ol' me got to have my voice heard about an issue I feel very strongly about. They ended the piece with a corny phrase "Anderson prefers the sound of pages of books turning rather than the clanging of slots." I don't think I said it like that but that's the sensational part of news. And today I was happy to be part of the story.

I'm back . . . really

kathy's bookmark

Obviously it's been a loooooooong time since I blogged. I've been reading a lot of blogs and enjoying that and then berating myself for not doing my OWN blog. This is the perfect example of me sitting by the sidelines and just watching. I need to get in the game. It's better to try and fall down rather than not try at all. Blah Blah - you know what I mean.

I'm such a perfectionist that I simply didn't want to put my thoughts down. Do you ever so much going on that you just don't know where to start? That's where I am right now.

Anyway, rather than play "catch up" I will just start where I am now. I want this blog to just be my daily musings and a record of what's going on in our life. It's for me because I like to write and I think putting my thoughts down will help clarify things.

I hope to add photos soon too after I figure out how. I think photos make it a blog so much better. Now that I have a simpler mission for my blog - it takes the dang pressure off. Sheesh!

Today we are busy getting reading for our Summer vacation. I am so excited we are getting away from the chores and routine and having a new adventure together as a family. The kids wanted to visit a state they haven't been to before - so we are heading to Utah by way of Las Vegas. Should be lots of fun!

Later this afternoon we are going to friends for a birthday BBQ. I love getting together with other families at BBQs. Just good fun - talking, having a drink, unwinding, watching the kids run around and play, eating grilled burgers, and just enjoying life. Need to do that more.

To Do . . . Blog!

Obviously I haven't been blogging lately. I'm still adjusting to my anti-depressant medication and just not feeling like blogging. Feels like another "thing to do." And right now I just don't need the guilt. This blog was suppose to be just for ME. But I'm sure you can relate that you feel like you are writing for other eyes too. Puts some pressure on me.

Anyhoo, fresh start. This is for me. I need to express my feelings and thoughts right now because I am getting tension headaches from the stress. Plus, even my physical therapist can feel the tension in my muscles and it's not helping my back recovery.

today is Monday. I've got tons to do to prepare for our daisy girl scout meeting tomorrow. we are getting ready to bridge to brownies - very exciting in the girl scout world. I need to finish our troop scrapbook so I can review with the girls tomorrow. Fill out the girls daisy completion certificates - i need to write pretty!

I need to do my back exercises too. I've been a slacker!! And that is not going to hasten my recovery.

Still happy from yesterday. we met our newest niece - Bella. She's 20 months and so darn cute! it was fun for our kids to meet another cousin. i love that they get to grow up surrounded by cousins and they have so much fun together. good stuff.

Also looking forward to going to coffee with Bella's Mom, my sister-in-law, Barbara. She's such a great gal. I've known her since she was 6 years old since I met her brother, my husband, when he was 16!! So I feel like I've known her forever. How cool is that? They are out visiting from Washington and it will be good to have some one-on-one time with her.

off to work on my daisy meeting stuff.

k

new day

I haven't blogged in a long time. I just couldn't. I could barely get out of bed and function.

I realized I was defnitely depressed. This was hard to come to terms with since I had hoped the last time I was depressed was a one-time occurance not the beginning of a lifelong illness.

My doctor put me on Cymbalta, an anti-depressant. It's been 16 days on the medicine and I'm finally starting to feel better. The depression felt so crushing. My pain literally felt so "heavy." The medicine made me very nauseous for the first two weeks which was awful. I lost 5 pounds. The depression diet - it works.

I am coming out of that dark tunnel and I am so grateful. You don't know happiness until you feel extreme sadness. Actually, I don't know if I'd describe myself as "happy" yet. But I feel better and that is huge.

It's a new day.

Just do the next thing

This is my new mantra, "just do the next thing." If I'm going to be honest in this blog, here it is. I'm in a dark place right now and i'm trying hard to find the light in my life. Not trying to sound overly dramatic. But that's what it is. Probably one of the main reasons I started this blog is to write down my feelings and try and sort it all out.

Am I depressed or is this just one of those down times we all go through? Is it a mid-life crisis "female style." I say female-style because I always think of men when I hear that phrase. You know the image of buying a little red sports car and having an affair. Stereotypes - sheesh.

All I know is lately i have a lot of questions but not a lot of answers. Big question - is this all there is? And how can i make my life more meaningful - just plain happier! I just want to wake up excited about my day and stop dragging myself through every stinkin' day. Life shouldn't be like this right?

So I came across this great piece of advice, "just do the next thing." Which can be huge when you're depressed. I feel soooo overwhelmed by just the daily stuff and don't want to even start my oh so long to-do list. But if I just do the next thing, that's something to feel good about.

So today I called my doctor and made an appointment to get help. I don't know what I need but I need something and that seemed like the logical step.

I feel lighter just by taking that step.

peace.

k

Still getting used to the idea of my blog

It's down right weird for me to be putting my thoughts out in such a public forum. Give me some time to warm up. I need to keep reminding myself that I am doing this for me but I can't help imagining all of YOU. You are freaking me out.

Stand by . . .

Had to run outside and catch the mailman. I wanted to return my latest Blockbuster movie. I love getting movies by mail - it is so cool. I am watching so many more movies since we joined the Blockbuster online. Movies are one of my favorite things to do so I am loving having them come right to my doorstep.

I just watched "Elizabethtown." Nice little film with a sweet message - enjoy life more. Boy, do I need to hear that message.

What have I done today? I am a stay at home Mom and today I actually "stayed" at home most of the day. Did a little laundry, ran the dishwasher, and worked on my girl scout troop's scrapbook album. We are getting ready to bridge to Brownies girl scouts so I am trying to get our troop scrapbook up to date. I love being a girl scout leader and helping "girls grow strong." Very cool message for our girls.

Leaving soon to take all 3 of my kids to the dentist this afternoon. It will be a long time sitting in the waiting room while all 3 kids get their teeth checked. Pray for no cavities. I will be bringing a book I'm reading, Martha Beck's memoir "leaving the saints ." I love her style of writing - she is funny and deep. I've always been curious about the Mormon faith (I'm Catholic) so it is so interesting getting a peek into her Mormon upbringing and why she eventually left the Mormon church and her search for faith.

Snow flakes are starting to fall here. Love that. But hopefully driving won't be a mess.

Sending peace out there.

k

Here I go . . .

March 1, 2006

I am here. I’ve been wanting to create a blog for months. I’ve been reading many blogs and feeling very inspired. I love to hear what other people are doing and thinking and feeling. I have so much on my mind right now that I thought this would help me sort things out. I also need to feel like I matter and what I say is important too. So I’m usually not one to jump on a bandwagon or to do what is trendy (why I’ve resisted the blog for so long). I hate doing things just because everyone else is doing them. Yuck!


This is huge for me to put my thoughts on paper. I would sporadically write in a journal but I wasn’t very good at keeping it up and I have a hard time putting my thoughts out there.

So for me this is HUGE.

I also started a photo journal today and will be taking one photo a day - just for me. I want to capture more of the everyday stuff. I think I will concentrate on me this month. What I see and what means something to me. This will be a good exercise for me to actually slow down and think about what is around me every day. What is important to me and to actually stop and look at these important things and notice them - really notice them. Too often my life is a blur . My days are the same or at least I feel that way. I took a photo of my computer in my office and my favorite breakfast - a cup of coffee and a scone. My morning ritual.

So much to say, but this is a start.

I am proud of me for starting this blog.

Here I go . . .